Why we feel so bad making mistakes and how to work through it.

I have seen this happen so many times. I am in Spanish class, my students have been working great and I think they are ready for a challenge so I bring in an activity slightly more challenging than usual. I tell them in advance that there will be some words they do not know, but not to worry. That is ok. They do not have to understand every single word. We get to work. 

Even after I told them what to expect and to be ok with it, 80% of them have an emotional crash. They get upset, frustrated, feel helpless or feel  like crying. When I check their understanding, I see they have understood way more than I had expected. I am proud of them. They feel bad. Why is this?

We want to do it perfect and we fall apart when it does not happen.

As humans. we do not like the feeling of being at a disadvantage. We do not want to feel stupid, left out or less than. So our mind reacts as if we were somehow being threatened. Alarms go off inside us, we feel uncomfortable because we think we need to flee. Our safety is being threatened, we think. But it is not!

Nobody is judging us. Nobody is pointing at us. Nobody is thinking we are inadequate. Except ourselves. 

A Spanish classroom, is a safe environment. We are all there with the only purpose of learning something we do not know. If we knew it, we would not be there. And learning is challenging. It requires that our brains work in ways that they have not worked before. That is why we might be confused. It is normal. It is expected. It is desirable. Confusion, uncertainty, mistakes are all a beautiful part of learning along with courage and perseverance. 

What to do when we are feeling bad about ourselves?

Next time you are feeling uncomfortable while learning Spanish and you catch yourself feeling this way, take a deep breath and repeat to yourself: 

“I am safe. I am learning. It is ok to make mistakes. I am proud of myself for doing this. I will succeed”

Repeat this or any other personal version of the mantra you prefer until you feel better.

Learning takes courage, perseverance, dedication. If you are learning, you should appreciate yourself for doing so, not feeling bad for not doing it the way you wish you were doing it. Love yourself, you are always better than you think you are.